I blame no one but myself for how I looked and felt. I was not what I wanted to be and struggled with how to be happy with it. If I wasn't happy, why was it so hard to change it? Hopelessness is powerful. "Why bother," was a screaming thought in my head.
Without numbers or sizes, because they're truly irrelevant, I was just miserable. I didn't like how I looked and felt. I got winded too easily and relied on being the funny one, the smart one, the cool one - because there was no way I would be the hot one or the pretty one.
I had no problem making friends or even having a boyfriend. I wasn't technically lonely but there was definitely an inside ache for something better.
Years before this, I'm playing with action figures and dolls. Not long after I cut all of my Barbies' hair off and colored what was left with vibrant markers, I was dreaming of a Catwoman action figure; her face hidden and her body so strikingly perfect that you could paint a costume on her. The fantasy of so many of my friends... That's what I should look like. And she's got some great quips too.
I did struggle, those years following. I can't take a compliment. Any shirt that touched my body was "too small" and I got very comfortable in giant garments that would tent around my hideous figure. Alone, at night, I would jog in place while watching myself in the mirror for a few minutes before giving up and crying. Why bother?
It was a simple solution to distract from my insecurities with outrageous hair colors and DIY fashion. Punk rock, or the 90s equivalent, was so full of angst and I could relate to the loathing outside of myself. Anything to make people not see in me what I saw in me. Please don't see how "fat" I am. Please don't compare my lack of cup size to my well-endowed friends. Let me be the cool, funny one that gets sarcasm and can hang with the boys.
I don't blame Barbie or DC Comics or the fashion industry. I know that these feelings have blossomed in most adolescents and insecurity is not uncommon. It's widespread and terribly unfortunate but the news about #TheDollEvolves hit me in a way that I did not expect.
I wouldn't wish those awful, crippling thoughts on anyone. I'm not ignorant to societal pressures or bullies, who are usually just as insecure as their targets, if not more than.
Everyone deserves to feel represented and beautiful.
Well done, Barbie. 
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