A Picture is Worth A Thousand Words

...and then I came across this photo, in which I'm looking right at you. 

you're looking away. 

Detoxification

(N) The process of removing toxic substances or qualities. 

Ninety minutes of heat, humidity, strength and flexibility. 

Every portion of your body is tested; every muscle and every fucking part of your mind is focused. 

Ninety minutes of open eyed meditation.

Don't even blink your eyes. 

One official water break. 

Stay in the room. 

Don't think - focus. 

Breathe normally. 

Concentrate - meditate. 

See your own eyes in the mirror. 

Connect with the pain and let it go. 

Push yourself.

Challenge yourself. 

Move yourself. 

Detoxification 

The process of removing toxic substances or qualities. 

Ninety minutes of sweat. Every pore opening up and every gland releasing the salt from your last meal, the smoke, the caffeine, the pain, sadness, heaviness, regret, desperation, loneliness, discomfort, confusion, rejection, worthlessness, self doubt, body image issues, heartbreak, grief, ugliness, frustration, anger, hatred and disappointment.  

Savasana...dead body pose. This is where the healing begins. This is when you refuel. This is where you practice complete and utter stillness. You let your body drip and your heartbeat returns to normal. You keep your eyes open and see things differently. You face your palms up and receive. Your feet fall open and relax to the floor. Your breathing is all you need to focus on. Don't wipe the sweat. Don't adjust. Don't fidget. 

You walked into this room for a reason. You stayed in this room for a better one. 

We don't know exactly what happens inside a chrysalis but the transformation is certain. This is no different. 

I walk into this room as one person and I walk out a different one. 

Proud. Beautiful. Stronger. Absolute. 

This is why

This Isn't It

When you actually write down exactly what you're thinking, without stopping and worrying what someone would think if they read it -

- it's scary. 

It's Mostly the Birds

It's mostly the birds,

They sing and sway, they chirp,

All I want is a peaceful walk to my door. 

Those damn birds. 

Days are longer now, 

Saving daylight and stretching hours,

Fools that believe this means more life. 

Those damn birds. 

I just want sleep,

I left them all behind, the few that stayed,

They were having more fun than I. 

Those damn birds. 

Remember when you spoke?

Better yet, remember when I listened?

It's all I could've wanted. 

Those damn birds. 

They don't know the half,

They're so lovely and whimsical,

They make music just by being. 

Those damn birds. 

Somehow they have this gift,

They don't worry or wonder or think,

They're simply beautiful. 

Those damn birds. 

Their secret is no secret,

It's what they are and how they were made,

And it's just perfect.

Those damn birds. 

Sing me to sleep,

Tonight while I toss and turn and try,

I'll accept the noise that they make. 

Those damn birds. 

It's their time now,

How dare I interfere with a schedule, a routine,

A natural order of things. 

Those damn birds. 

Really it's just envy,

How they hop and stir and sweetly mumble,

They speak to only those listening ,

They don't cater,

There's no bargain,

There's no doubt,

They just are,

Happy to do so,

Or not,

Sounds happy .

Those lovely birds. 

DIY

Tweeker Carpet Freshener

What you'll need

1 old Welcome Mat, found while dumpster diving

Gnarly cone incense, nothing pleasant

A lighter or matches

Directions

Place welcome mat in front of non-tweeker neighbor's door. 

Place gnarly cone incense, two or three cones will suffice, on top of gross mat. 

Light all cone incense on fire. 

Especially useful for 

when the 6-toed, inbred, stray cats that you kind of take care of start pissing in front of the non-tweeker neighbor's door and the apartment complex has made you aware of the issue.   

Thinking of a Mister

 Waves came on, that song, "Waves," by Mr. Probz, while I was already in a mood. 

I'm in a mood. 

Often I sit and listen. I sit and listen to nothing; maybe this is meditation. 

Other times, maybe just as often, I sit and listen to music. This music is lyrically powerful. I listen to music with words that I love and voices I can sing along to. 

I used to wonder why sadness spawned more listening to sad songs. I used to. 

My face above the water - that is almost hopeful. 

My feet can't touch the ground. They can't? Nope, they couldn't. 

I'm thinking of someone who actually could have written the words. I'm thinking of him and his loved ones right now. 

We have a loved one in common and now I'm thinking of how grateful I should be. I'm grateful for his compassion and his patience. I admire his strength and devotion. I love his ambition and persistence. 

I'm thinking of this man who felt like the waves were pulling against him and how he just couldn't swim anymore. 

RIP A.